contemplative.

i'm feeling contemplative. been tossing and turning in bed, unable to sleep. thoughts running through my mind a million at a time.

why do i feel so at peace today?
where has the inner turmoil gone?
will it return?
when is my crash and burn?
i can only ask these questions now, but wait for the answers. who knows when i might get them, or even if at all?

i decided to let go of something today. bury my immaturity in the past and pray that it never resurfaces.

maybe it's because i realise i'm turning 25 next week and i really want to act my age. grow up a lil, some but not all. no, not yet. life is not about being serious and old. life is about living and creating new adventures.

i wonder where i will go from here? will i like it, or will i not? will i be able to cope and juggle the many permutations of the outcome of life? how can i be so calm. what if i'm making the biggest mistake of my life. here is where i know the answer. you cannot force things. there's no point in doing that because sooner or later things will disintegrate like scraps falling away, floating to where it's unable to be caught, where it disappears into moonlight, swallowed up by the vacuum of night.